I have been silent for some time. Many people who know me would be grateful for the reprieve. The reason for my uncharacteristic silence? No internet connection in my new home....

Okay, that is the main reason.....there are a few others....as follows..

1. I have suffered a deep heartbreak and the shock of it has knocked my thoughts too far to catch them
2. The internet reason
3. I began a new job and spent every moment of my breathing existence worrying about it.. "Am I doing a good job...do they like me....can they tell that I often talk to myself and even answer myself back which at times results in a heated debate with myself which can at times become violent..." 
4. I am very bewildered by my new situation here in FL. I get lost each and every time I leave the gated driveway. That is with my GPS on. The amazing part is how I try to play it cool every time I have to turn around. I think to myself, "I am bored with going South on 95, I am turning around and heading North now. I am so cool, I can do that on a whim" When really, I got on going the wrong way in the first place. (I always say these things in my head with an English accent. Somehow I feel very clever when I do it that way) Also, I think it wonderful that I feel the need to explain myself, when no one is around to ask me what I am doing. I explain myself to myself. Oh, this is fun, yesterday I dropped my clothes as I was pulling them out of the dryer and I apologized to myself...OUT LOUD. Yep, I'm a certified hot mess.
5. What is this list about again?.....oh yes, where I have been these past few weeks.
6. Grieving. And as it turns out, without any practice, I'm really quite good at it.

I have, since being unemployed this past week, baked, cooked, swam, walked, beached myself (I discovered..after going the wrong way the first time..that I live 14 miles from the loveliest beach)...walked my dog..talked to my dog and generally moped about the house..crying one moment and smiling the next (both emotions coming from blurbs of memory flashing across my mind)

Recently I bought a package of M&Ms to cheer myself and once I opened the package and began to pour them into a dish, I burst out crying. So that didn't work, did it?

I think what I have really been doing is hiding. Hiding from reality. If I don't go on with my life, time won't pass, and if I don't stare my pain in the face, it will go away. I just have to stay very still......and quiet....shhhhhhh!....here it comes...I see it...I can hear it breathing...I'll just hide here a little longer and it will move on...

But it doesn't work that way, does it? No...pain and heartbreak find you, no matter how far you bury your head in the sand. So I am writing this as therapy. I am sticking my toe in the water again, as it were. ....

Please pass the pamplemousse

One of the greatest loves of my love is food. Simple. I need it every day and I love it. That being said, I didn't really anticipate that this journey would revolve around food but it has.

In looking through my pictures today I realized just how much food I have photographed and consumed while being here in France.

Right from the start the trouble or pleasure began. We flew Delta on their business class and let me tell you, I can't imagine going back to coach. The moment you sit down they hand you glass (not plastic cup) of champagne. So instead of getting yelled at to put my purse under the seat in front of me, I am sipping champagne. Next they give you the menu FOR YOU TO CHOOSE YOUR DINNER. Have I mentioned that we are still attached by the jetway and not even moving yet? Naturally I chose cheese for my dessert and it hasn't stopped since then.

Now that's not to say that we ate out every night but the food everywhere we did go was unbelievable. Maybe it was the surroundings that made it so. Like this sandwich I had at a tiny restaurant that sits along the olive grove park in town. Just ham and swiss cheese, on the best bread ever baked. Some pink wine and I'm stuffing my face. Wonderful! Plus the knife they give you is fun.

Here, staying with my mother-in-law, food is a 3 meal a day event. Although breakfast is a easy, coffee (2 lumps of sugar please) bread

(cut into small pieces and toasted in the oven, thank

you) and assorted jams (blueberry, strawberry and fig)

However, lunch is at 1 and requires a full out meat and veggie along with a paired wine, fruit and dessert. Here I learned that my mother-in-law loves my potato salad and that celery greens are edible.

Here I just smashed some garlic spuds and put it with an amazing salad (amazing because of the cheese on top and Dennis makes the salad dressing in his lab) and this is added to the turkey breast. Notice my bitten piece of bread..sitting there as a testimony that I couldn't wait until I had taken the photo before devouring it. Bread glutton.

We did purchase along the way pieces to add to our meals. Cheese in Italy, desserts from Nice.

Actually, desserts by a general rule were always bought. I did absolutely no baking while in France. There was simply no point. Even the boxed cookies were amazing with hazelnuts or lemon bits in them. We found a particularly heavenly

coconut macaroon, soft, sweet and

wonderful at the grocery store. They even come enrobed in dark chocolate. I contrived many reasons that we needed to head down to the store but my real drive was for more coconut cookies. Even before we had the car, I would willingly trek the 3 miles in the hot sun of mid day so that I could have a supply in the fridge. Dennis got wise to that and soon put an end to my tomfoolery. So I spent my time and energy making meals, Dennis focused on buying the wine and we let France herself make the dessert.

Here we have the stove I managed to do all the cooking on during our stay in France. I found the knobs to be very disconcerting as well as the temp dial. Rather then try my hand at the math, I just guessed.

Some how though, everything worked fine. It must have been the wine.

The salads tasted better here....some how the daily fresh veggies just melted in your mouth. Biggest decisions of the meal were back balcony or front? Usually we chose the rear facing balcony that gave you the view of Monaco and the mountains. It was hot at mid-day so we tried to eat by 1PM and avoid too much sun.

And a word about the ice cream....it is worth

walking 3 miles for. Whether you get the frozen yogurt and enjoy in its lemon/citrus tartness or you combine the coconut with the dark chocolate... you won't come up for air until the entire cup is GONE. They serve it to you with this tiny plastic shovel-like spoon, I think it's to slow you down. But I was still able to stuff my face with every cool morsel, I just had to work quickly.

Almost every restaurant has something called "The Menu" which is their meal plan for you. It usually includes the starter (including a house drink) main meat choice, salad or pasta choice, dessert of choice, wine and bread and coffee. It ranges anywhere from 18 Euro to 200 Euro and up depending on where you eat it. I like the Menu because it takes the decision of what to order out of the problem and I can just sit back and enjoy every lovely surprise they bring me. Here is one menu we did in a restaurant at the Castle village before the concert in Monaco. Every bite was incredible.

We have also been able to enjoy the local flavor of friends that Dennis has known for years who have invited us to eat with them. Always an event and the flavors are unforgettable. The

highlight of this meal was shelling the little guys myself. It made me feel like I worked for the food. And the addition of the pink grapefruit (pamplemousse) in my salad was a summery surprise that paired so well with my white wine, my berry iced tea and the sweetness of the glaze on the fish. YUMMY!

Truly a wonderful experience, with something delicious to eat every single day. For 6 weeks I sat for every meal at a table, with a view and a tablecloth. Never once did I "take something to go" nor did I eat while getting dressed, driving or standing. It was a treat to enjoy the food, every single bite. I had to learn to relax and allow the time to float by. Getting your check here is almost insulting to the wait staff. You have to flag them down and beg for it. Once they have you in their restaurant they never want you to leave. But there is no iced coffee. That's my only suggestion. Other then that.....perfect. And for the record, if there was bread placed on the table, I ate every piece. I had to. It would have been a disgrace not too. I mean, look at it!!!

Thank you France, for feeding me so well. If you ever come to stay with me, I promise I will try just as hard to make you as happy as you have made me.

Last Concert in Monaco

Every summer, The Prince of Monaco hosts a series of classical concerts held in the evening to about 1,000 people gathered in the courtyard of The Palace. The seats range from 18 Euro and up. It is a "tie and jacket" affair that the armed guards are very serious about. They literally search the crowd for, no...not weapons or dangerous liquids or even cameras, though the later are strictly forbidden...no, the guards stop any man trying to gain entrance without a jacket and tie. They even have several on hand that you can rent, should you fail to read the boldface type on the ticket itself. But gain entrance you will not if there is no tie and jacket. I found this to be very charming.

So our visit here in the South of France has entered its Zenith with one week left. Dennis and I drove into Monaco last night arriving in the underground parking facility at around 8 PM. We found a staircase on the outside of the Palace grounds and began winding our way upward.

We surfaced near the Museum that is currently having a Damien Hirst exhibit of his art that includes such things as a great white shark under glass and full size model of a unicorn with half it's body dissected. Very

interesting, especially at dusk. The building itself is a work of art, surrounded by gardens and built right to the edge of the crashing seas and stone fortress walls.

I very much want to return and enjoy the museum itself, if not this trip than perhaps in the Fall.

We continued through the clear, cool night, walking upwards among the ancient government buildings and stopped by the church that witnessed the last wedding in Monaco when its crown Prince married little Miss Grace.

Just as we rounded the bend, and the darkness fell just a little more, tiny lights appeared in every nook and

cranny of the building, highlighting its beauty and all the many carvings. It was breathtaking. Almost everyone that walked past, stopped to admire it and photograph it.

As you make your slow walk through the village and stone buildings around you, there is a restaurant every few feet with scents to entice you to stop and spend a few hours enjoying what they have conjured up for your senses.

Dennis and I find it hard to resist them so we stop many times to read the menu posted on the outside wall and talk about what we would order if we were eating there.

The cobblestone pathways and narrow roads all run like rivers to the castle and there we soon find ourselves, at the very back of the fortress of Monaco with the grounds of the castle before us, lovely women and well dressed men walking towards the open doors, between the white uniformed guards of the Palace. The ancient doors are thrown open to welcome us but before we enter, we veered to the right and walked over toward the edge of the city walls to enjoy the view of the harbor below us as the evening sky darkened completely and the stars winked down at us.

Its hard to imagine a lovelier place when you are standing there and yet the camera cannot really capture what we can with our eyes. All the twinkling lights of the city together with the boats make on continuous diamond necklace draped on the shoulders of the sea.

Much like Cinderella, we looked up at the castle clock and saw that we only had a few minutes to find our seats. Off we went to join the gathering crowd at the doors. Very polite and well mannered, except for some loud British women asking the guards to take their picture, which the guard refused with an air of the highly insulted, we walked quietly inside. After your ticket is taken, an uniformed usher personally takes you to your assigned seat. Every single blue cushioned seat was taken by a jeweled lady or polished man. The night air was cool with the lights of the Palace around us glimmering over the marble and artwork all around us. The roof of the courtyard was the black cloudless sky with a few stars relieving the darkness. You could hear the irregular sounds of the musicians tuning their instruments, although they remained hidden from our sight.

I noticed the time had arrived to begin and the audience was quietly seated but still nothing happened. For several minutes we waited, with no one speaking. And then the Royal Family

arrived and were seated in the box directly opposite the stage. Prince Albert and his fiance' sat in front. The very moment they took their seats the musicians came out followed soon after by the conductor, to a great deal of cheering. The three pieces they place for us included one piece by Debussy, La Mer, that has always been a favorite of Dennis. But for me, the second piece we heard was the highlight of the concert, not because I knew it well but because of Dennis. His father had been a professional violinist and for his college graduation and thesis he chose to play the violin solo from Max Bruch and we were able to hear it played last night. Dennis told me that he never hears that music without seeing in his mind his father playing with such passion and abandon. Dennis' father John died in 1975. It was a very moving piece to hear. Fast, very fast, the concert ended and we were walking again through the night to our car.

But we had decided to spend some time in town so we made our way to the Cafe de Paris and the Hotel and Casino that sit side by side with it.

When Dennis was living in France years ago he worked at the hotel for some time. The amount of marble and the artwork overwhelms you quickly.

At the Cafe we secured a roadside table and were able to enjoy people watching and car watching as we ate a club sandwich and Dennis drank a beer while I devoured a berry berry and vodka frozen delight. Even the clocks at the Cafe are Rolex. Although you are not allowed to photograph the inside of anything, you can freely walk in and out of the hotel.....

the Casino and the grounds themselves. It quickly became 3 Am, and neither of us felt tired. Everyone is milling around and eating, laughing or drinking so it doesn't feel like very late at night or, in this case, very early on a Monday morning.

Even the cars parked outside the Casino are works of art in themselves.

We walked all along the cars and the gardens until we found our way back to the beginning and within minutes we were off towards home. ~ The end.