Sunday, February 19, 2012

Far from my sight, out of my heart

I learned a new French expression. Loin de mes yeux, loin de mon cœur. It means, far from my sight, out of my heart. I thought, given my situation, it was very interesting. It was used to express how we need to keep up with those we love, otherwise we will lose them in time. If we don't work at our relationships, distance and absence will cause them to fade.

Since I heard it, I've been applying this in all sorts of ways. Good and sad. I can't see my family or close friends regularly, so I need to keep in contact with them in other ways so that I will not lose being close in their hearts or they in mine.

On the flip side, if I hang in there, sugar and sweets will finally leave my heart and I will not long for them anymore, if I can just keep them out of my sight long enough. Maybe alcohol too.

It reminded me of something someone said when we first talked about moving to France. I knew I would miss everything and everyone around me and I was told that in time I wouldn't need them anymore and they wouldn't need me. In time, we would continue to live new lives and the dependency we had on each other would wane. They would forget me and I would forget them. Life would naturally move forward. And eventually there would be no place for me with them, nothing to miss.

The idea was reassuring in one small way because I knew I wouldn't feel lost and lonely forever but a lingering sadness took its place. I don't want them out of my heart.

Can things and people you love be out of your heart with just less time in your sight? Well, I don't think about iced coffee or chocolate smoothies like I once did. And cheese-less pizza strips or thanksgiving sandwiches (with the cranberry sauce and stuffing). But what about people and land? I live by the Sea here and it is beautiful yet I miss the RI beaches. I miss the trees of my home and the places I know. And the people? Forget it. They are far from my sight but not out of my heart, not yet. I want to hold each face close to the eyes of my soul, study each one to remember and then tuck them safely away in my memory until I see them in the flesh again.

So this expression is a warning to me. To not let the distance of my physical sight to cause me to forget those I love and miss. I will see them again soon. And until then I will carry them close, very close to my heart and see them clearly in my mind's eye.