My mother runs a tight ship. There's no way around it, that's a fact. She is relentless and tireless and she knows how she wants things to be. And tonight I am missing that very much. I am missing her offering to iron my clothes as I'm about to leave the house "because you would look better if they were ironed Sarah". I miss her making me dinner every night. I miss her laughing so hard at something I said that she chokes on her water...she always made me feel really funny when that happened. Why is it that we miss what we can't have anymore?

Its just a quiet Wednesday night. I love Wednesdays. My favorite day of the week. Even the way it's spelled and pronounced is exciting. I just love me some Wednesday. Anyway....I've been reflecting today about my mum. You see, I came home after work and tried my best to make some dinner out of nothing at all. Turns out it's easier to make love that way, dinner on the other hand requires ingredients. At least when I cook it does. But my mum, she is one of those people who can make magic out of canned corn and well, nothing at all. I had the honor of moving back home after a long long absence and not until moments like tonight do I realize just how amazing she is.

Seriously. I'm not scoring points with her by saying this. For one thing, she isn't even a follower of my blog and she will probably not even read this, ever. So this is straight from my heart and my empty stomach. That woman always has dinner ready and there is always something to snack on...and there is always a back up package of eggs downstairs in the extra fridge...and extra cheese...and bread in the freezer...and everything you would need to make a cake or brownies or chili in the cupboard (just in case). She has tons of butter and milk always on hand (in a half vegan home) along with every alternate food you could imagine. The basement shelves look like Stop and Shop and Wholefoods trucks have been unloading their goods for weeks down there. And its not nasty food you don't want to eat. She has it all...ready and on hand.

But its not just food...the woman thinks of everything...the house is perfect every moment..you never catch it looking dishevelled. My house..well, I try but it always looks like a work in progress. And my mother's trash never smells and is NEVER overflowing...ever. It doesn't even get full. I'm in awe of that....more in this moment then ever. When I get home I just want to curl up and die. When she gets home she just keeps going...and going and then she irons something.

All the laundry, all the cleaning, all the food prep and food shopping..and she pays her bills on time. I used to think I would wake up in the middle of the night and find her working away on things in the dark like a crazy elf but nope, she would be sitting in her big green chair, with her socks and slippers on, reading a book until the wee morning hours. How does she do it?

I haven't a clue but I am in awe of her and I miss her. I wish I could walk into that dark room and interrupt her from her reading to tell her about the tiny, unimportant worry I have burrowing away in my mind. I know she would stop what she was doing, place her book mark and calmly listen to whatever I'm saying, without complaining that I was taking away her quiet time. I miss my mum tonight...I guess I miss her every night.

Thank you for making life so much better Jane, with all your crazy tireless work you do every single day without complaint. You are a warrior and I am missing you tonight.